I got a letter from one of my oldest friends saying that he was going to do a mindfulness meditation retreat because he wanted to find a way to relax.

I immediately called in and begged him to reconsider.

Now let me be clear.  I spent a lot of time doing meditation retreats with a lot of meditation mindfulness, and I know that the effects of doing this practice can be quite profound.

But I also know, since I've been teaching meditation for the last few years, of the very common complaints that people report after they decide they want to begin meditation or actually begin a daily meditation practice.

Typically, they say that they don't have enough time for practice or that they have a hard time integrating the practice in their daily life.

And what that means is that they might be able to find some calmness or some peace of mind after meditating for 20, or 30, or 60 minutes, but then they get behind the wheel of their car and someone cuts them off and it's as if they hadn't practiced at all.

One of my favorite jokes is the parent who wants to meditate so they can be more present with their child. They sit down to meditate and the child interrupts, and they explode, "Don't interrupt me! I'm meditating so I can be a better parent!"

So let's take a look at some of the ideas and, perhaps, problems of mindfulness meditation.

Many of you might know that this particular practice was made most famous by John Kabat-Zinn in his book, Full Catastastrophe Living. And mindfulness meditation is taught as a one of the daily meditations for stress reduction and anxiety relief in hospitals all around country.  I'm not saying it doesn't work, but I will later suggest there might be an easier way.

So first of all, mindfulness practice which involves trying to do things slowly or, one thing at a time, and paying careful attention to each moment and each thing you're doing. Not surprisingly, this is not the natural way that the mind works.  So it takes a certain kind of odd combination of effort and relaxation to do it successfully.

But the most important point is it's not really natural.  That's one of the reasons why it's difficult to quote integrate with your daily life; because that's just not how you do your daily life.

Secondly, as anyone who's made a New Year's resolution to sign-up for a health club membership hoping to lose some weight (or has created any other goal-setting plan) knows that developing a new habit is not easy. Especially so if the activity you're doing is not "organic." That is, you don't enjoy the activity itself, separate from some future goal it may bring.

There's a certain kind of stress that we experience when we are doing something that isn't enjoyable and fun now, but instead we're hoping that we'll find enjoyment in the future.

And the reason for this stress is actually pretty simple:  We know that our predictions about future happiness are usually wrong.  Either getting the goal doesn't make us truly happy (or as happy as we hoped), or the happiness fades.

My friend said that he hoped that if he did his mindfulness meditation retreat he would be able to find some moments of relaxation during the day and that it would help him with his work and with his family.  I suggested that maybe he could get the same benefit without 10 days away from his family.

Rather than trying to artificially create relaxation, you can notice the already-existing relaxed or spacious times that exist. In other words, rather than trying to fix something or make something different and you could notice the small times when you're already experiencing exactly what you want.

Now, I'm not saying that you should wait until you were relaxed during the day, although that's a great technique.  I'm actually saying something even more radical and that is that at any moment, no matter what you're experiencing, no matter how stressful or how difficult, it's possible to discover an already-existing sense of relaxation or peace of mind.  Let me give you an analogy to point out his works.

Look at the floor around you and notice all the things on it.  Typically when were going through our day, all of those things are what's catching our attention.  I refer to this as paying attention to the foreground.

But you could pay attention to the background. Notice the floor itself.  No matter what's on top of the floor, the floor remains untouched. The background doesn't have problem with all the stuff in the foreground.

Human beings are designed to pay attention to the foreground more often in the background.  It was very important for our survival in the savanna 100,000 years ago.  We had to notice those rare things that stood out from the background because they might either be lunch or they might want us for lunch.

So, what I'm suggesting is that you can turn your attention to the background.  In fact, because there is something in the foreground the only way we can notice it is against the background.

So the only way we can notice crazy, stressful, busy, annoying, speedy, thoughts is because there is a background. The only way we notice unpleasant, itching, aching sensations is because there's a background.  It's like those sensations and thoughts are the foreground — the stuff above the floor — and there's a calm background in the body/mind.

Once you start attending to the background, which is always there, you don't need to create or cultivate calmness. It's already there.

Once you notice this, then you might be able find that within those very stressful moments an already-existing spaciousness or calmness or peace… within your daily life.  You can find exactly what you were hoping to get from meditation.

I'm not suggesting you can do this 24 hours a day seven days a week, any more than you could do meditation mindfulness 24/7.  But honestly, that's not necessary.  One moment of moving your attention from the foreground to the background is enough to change the entire course of that moment… or that minute, or that day… or maybe even a life.

Next Post: Prayer Meditation - Fulfilling Your True Desires

Please help. Bookmark, share, email or favorite this page. Use this button to begin: