I like the way the enlightenment-thingie is put on Uncyclopedia (My eternal source of knowledge and wisdom): http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Enlightenment

Enlightenment is the process of decreasing one's knowledge about a particular subject. It entails becoming more stupid about something, attaining the state of emptiness, or "no-mind."

This state is considered very pleasurable, hence the common saying "ignorance is bliss."

But I dont know about "full enlightenment". Maybe thats some kind of permanent stupidy. And then 'everthing just happens and no one is doing anything….'

That's all well and good, Andi, but what's on your enlightenment wish list? What practical benefits would you like to accompany the state of permanent stupidity?

I will "settle" for the ability to divine upcoming lottery numbers. At that point, who cares what anyone thinks?

I'll know I'm enlightened when I have 108 nubile 19-year-old devotees whose minds are all humming with fantasies of coitus with me, which I will be able to confirm as I'll possess the siddhi of mind-reading as a result of my state of consciousness.

Jody,

I think that condition will prove you have CONVINCED PEOPLE you are fully awakened, not that you are

Oh, here's another on my list:

I won't wake up and immediately pinch the skin around my stomach to see if I did something in my sleep that would have caused me to drop 5% bodyfat overnight

I didn't have a list, I had the grandiose ambition to get to a place of such superior understanding that I would be able to handle, with aplomb, whatever situation arose in my life. Not much to ask is it?
All that effort resulted in the clarity that none of it matters a jot, in a weird way I got what I asked for

Andi,
I'll take that permanent stupidity, sounds good to me.

Ellen,

Internal states (e.g. handling situations with aplomb) don't count

A wish list was far too mundane and practical for me, I was so 'in my head' that all I could see was internal states, so they were the only things that did count.
Enlightenment was just a nebulous but vastly superior internal state.

What Andy actually said was "permanent stupidy" and that's what I thinkk I've found

See? because that double "kk" was NOT intentional.

welcome to thee worldd off thee terminallyy imperfectt, Mary Ann.;-)

Thaks! I jsut noticed "Andi" is speled with an "i" !!!

You've seen the false and filthy 'y' as illusionary and start noticing the real 'i'. You're making great progress, Mary Ann

I became enlightened today!

You won't wonder. That's a suitable definition of enlightenment; to be devoid of both faith and doubt.

May all beings find peace! I love you all.

Being devoid of faith and doubt is all well and good… but I've been hoping people would list:

a) TANGIBLE benefits (something we could witness, rather than an internal state), and
b) benefits with a sarcastic twist (a guy can hope, can't he?)

For example, the latest item on my "I'll know I'm enlightened" list is: When I hear a supermodel on a talk show, and she reveals a… oh, let's call it, "a unique lack of cognitive skills," … that I don't find her less attractive

Ok, a tangible benefit–though any real benefit I've accrued has actually been from the loss of fixed states and notions.
Not very holy or spiritual this one, but I worked in casinos worldwide for 25 years and aquired the uncanny ability to relieve anyone of their money–not from skill, cheating or prestidigitation (sp) but from a personal attitude, developed in meditation and honed in the utter boredom of 8 hours a day in a casino.

Unfortunately, it was often noted by the casino bosses who would then attempt to exploit it–a cue for me to move on.

I think many monks have the same skill, but they call it "collecting alms"

Until you guys realize that there is no "I" or "me", you will never be awakened to enlightenment.

I'm not sure who the "you guys" is that you're referring to. If there's no "I" or "me" then there's no "you guys" to hear your insight.

Just want to share whats been happening to me if you dont understand, you will eventually. I am writing this only to share and its not up for discussion. Take it or leave it. Here is my "condition" I have stopped identifying with my mind, its as if no thought is necessary, the ego has no permission to lead the way, before any thought approaches it has already been answered by the infinite ocean of truth in other words Truth? reveals itself at its own accord. There is no longer the need to process information, i now know. Senseless chatter has seized not only in meditation but has been replaced by on demand presence that immediately senses truth from falsehood, being and being watched. Energy drains when one is required to function in the society and make meaningless choices and wasting ones breath on something that isnt part of the TRUTH. Limits and fears are losing their grip. There is often a shift of focus to the surrounding presence. Mind seizes in presence of SELF. In meditation breath seizes, silence overpowers existance sometimes recovering or functioning after becomes difficult.

Sergey

Too bad it's "not up for discussion," Sergey. There are some aspects to your report that might be quite interesting to discuss. Ah, well… what's not up is not up, I guess.

My sign/indication that I have reached enlightenment:

I will one day post my expectations for a sign/indication of my enlightenment on a random meditation blog I come across while surfing.

……hey wait a minute