I grew up in a traveling New Age commune. My parents meditated every day. To ten-year-old me, the idea of meditating was less-than-thrilling. Not only did adults have boring lives to begin with (talking politics over coffee? Spare me!), but then they would bore themselves senseless every morning on purpose!?!?!

I don't meditate. I've never been able to quiet my mind for more than about three seconds. If the universe intended my mental chatter to get quiet, I would have been born a cantaloupe. I was not born a cantaloupe, so the universe must have some other plan in mind.

That plan didn't involve silence and rest. Those don't work for me. Silence just makes it easier for my brain to go racing along whatever path it cares to take in the moment. When I was young, those were paths of curiosity and joy. After a decade in the "real world," work had leeched every bit of magic and wonder out of life, and my paths were full of worry about bills, health care, and politics. If you ever think you've got meditation down, just think about politics. You'll learn better.

Fighting the tide didn't work. Quieting it didn't work ("Shh… Am I thinking, still? Is that question a thought? Argh!") Finally, I decided to embrace it. I don't go anywhere silent; my mental chatter can drown out anything the world throws at me. Instead, I delve deeply into thinking to calm down.

My cleaner ruins my best suit, and I'm pissed. That was an expensive suit, and I have an important business trip coming up. My meditation as I stroll home is to indulge in fantasies about the dry cleaner, uncooked rice, Crisco, and a feather duster, But I don't think my thoughts vindictively, at least not after the first few minutes. I start to really notice how creative I must be, to come up with such elaborate mental pictures. Then I start to ask questions about the fantasies: would that image be permissible on broadcast television? How about Cable? I start to chuckle, and my whole self begins to relax.

Now I know you're supposed to clear your mind and experience reality, but I'm not very good at that. I dive right into deep self-deception. Most people indulge in negative self-deception. "I'm worthless. Nobody likes me. My head is too small." This seems limiting. If you're going to do self-deception, why not do it so you end up having a good time? Try pleasant, wonderful, fun self-deception. I make up reasons why it's good that the dry cleaner ruined my suit. For one, it means jeans will be the outfit of the day, and those are much more my style, anyway.

By the time I arrive home, I'm calm, happy, and laughing. And next time I visit the dry cleaners, I'm in a good mood, waiting to find out how they screwed up this time. Maybe I'll even start a betting pool. Enlightened? I doubt it. But enjoying my life, you bet!

For me, that's my meditation. Quieting my mind won't work, so I let it keep going and just make it fun and affirming. If the spiritual enlightenment path isn't working for you, try the self-deception route. You just might fool your way to Nirvana.

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This post about meditating is © 2008, Stever Robbins

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