When I got serious about Buddhist meditation, I completely redecorated my apartment.

I set aside a corner to be used as a meditation space in which I put the first of many meditation cushions.  Then I added various statues of the Buddha, images and pictures that I found relaxing or peaceful, and various Buddhist sayings to use as reminders of why I was doing all of this meditating and what I hoped to accomplish.

Then I changed my music selections. I would play music for Buddhist meditation during most of my waking hours.

I think my apartment had more Buddhist "stuff" than most Buddhist meditation centers.

When I look at it now, it seems like what I was doing was the Buddhist version of decorating a 1950's Midwestern home with a needlepoint wall hanging that said "Home sweet home," and a series of oil paintings I could buy a shopping mall for $20.

In other words, I was really creating a new identity more than I was engaging in a practice which, ironically, was about seeing through any identity or sense of myself as a solid "thing."

Having Buddhist sayings on my refrigerator or taped to my computer or printed on my T-shirts, was less a reminder of my practice of meditation than it was a subtle way of creating a version of myself as hip and cool and spiritually sophisticated.

Playing Buddist meditation music was the "evolved" choice, instead of listening to something that might be equally relaxing, like Mozart or other baroque music or, frankly, anything on VH1 at that time.

I did all of these things really with the hope that they would help me develop new habits and become a new and improved person.  Someone who functioned better, was less likely to argue with his partner, had better health, made more money and was liked by more people. It kind of quaint when I think about it (the way you think about children being innocently naive).

I no longer have Buddhist sayings on the wall to "inspire" me or be an object of mindfulness.

I no longer try to memorize Buddhist thoughts and superimpose them on the random and "mundane" thoughts I get throughout the day.

The irony of course is that in losing the desire to re-create myself in a Buddhist image.  I found many more of the things I hoped to get when I and my home were appropriately decorated. And even more ironic is that now I can appreciate all of that Buddhist art and Buddhist music and with a kind of warm gratitude rather than with a subtle prodding and hope for a better imagined future.

Next Post: Find a Buddhist Therapist

Please help. Bookmark, share, email or favorite this page. Use this button to begin: